Speak
by soyamiso
Summary: Kakarrot and Vegeta own dogs. Which one is smarter? So g-rated, a seven year-old should read.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Same old.  
  
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"Vegeta, come look! I taught my dog some new tricks," Kakarrot called to his buddy.  
  
The Saiyan Prince strutted over to where Kakarrot stood with his Chihuahua. The Prince's own mastiff snorted at the small pooch and blew him over.  
  
"Aww, poor Little Krillin fall down from big doggy's bad breath?" Kakarrot cooed. He picked up the dog and nuzzled it, eliciting pleasurable whimpers. Vegeta furrowed his brows, unable to discern whether the noise came from the warrior or beast.  
  
"What could you, a third-class warrior, teach that giant rat?"  
  
"He can speak!" Kakarrot exclaimed, ignoring the insult. "Watch."  
  
Kakarrot: "What covers a house?"  
  
Little Krillin: "RROWF!"  
  
Kakarrot: "What covers a tree?"  
  
Little Krillin: "BARK!"  
  
"Good boy! Who wuvs you? Daddy wuvs you! Daddy wuvs Little Krillin, yes he does," Goku crooned. He ruffled his dog's ears and fed him a doggie treat.  
  
"Kakarrot, you are an imbecile," Vegeta sneered.  
  
"Aww, Vegeta, you're just jealous because your dog can't talk," Kakarrot huffed. He continued to reward his baby with kibbles.  
  
Vegeta looked over at his mastiff. Surely his dog was more intelligent. Granted, he had never taught the dog to speak, but his canine knew one important command: "Sic balls!"  
  
However, not to be outdone, the Prince commanded, "Big Bulma, what does sandpaper feel like?"  
  
"RRUFF," came the reply.   
  
"Hey, your dog's pretty smart. Let me give her a treat," Kakarrot offered.  
  
The Prince and Big Bulma watched as Kakarrot poured ketchup on a dog biscuit and held it out to the mastiff.  
  
"What are you feeding my dog?" Vegeta demanded, disgusted by the sight.  
  
Big Bulma gazed at her master and shook her large head. "BARF!"  
  
The seldomly affectionate Prince smirked and rewarded his pooch with a pat on the head.  
  
The end.  
  
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Thanks for the reviews! 


	2. A Rose by Any Other Name...

I suggest you folks look up what an Airedale Terrier and hairless Chinese Crested look like. A special thanks goes to *love2jump* for the suggestion of the Airedale.  
  
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The warrior was walking his hairless Chinese Crested when a Frisbee landed at his feet. A frisky Airedale pranced over and retrieved it. Yamcha watched as the dog ran back to its owner.  
  
"Hey, Gohan! Great day to be in the park, huh?"  
  
The teenager took the Frisbee and ruffled his dog's ears. "Hiya, Yamcha."  
  
"Nice dog."  
  
"Yeah, he's great. I got him because he's just like me -- smart."  
  
"And square," thought Yamcha. But aloud, "Where'd you get him?"  
  
"The Love2jump Kennel."  
  
"That's an odd name," remarked the older warrior.  
  
Gohan shrugged. "That's what I call it, anyway. The owner said something about horses, loving, jumping, my bones. I didn't pay attention to it all."  
  
Yamcha smiled at the teenager's naiveté. "Does your dog do tricks?"  
  
"Of course," Gohan replied. The boy wonder went through the routine of sit, shake, speak, and algebra. The twig used was a crude implement, but without an opposing thumb, the canine did remarkably well. When the performance was over, Gohan praised his Airedale. "Good boy, There There. Good boy."  
  
Yamcha quirked an eyebrow. "There There?"  
  
"Yeah, that's his name. I can't break him of it. When he was a pup, Mom dropped some pots and pans and scared the bejeezus out of him. He was cowering under the bed, and I had to coax him out with a dog treat. Unfortunately, I said, 'There, there, it'll be alright,' and fed him the biscuit. From then on, he thought that was his name."  
  
Yamcha gazed down at his own dog.  
  
"How about your dog, Yamcha? Does it know any tricks?"  
  
"Of course. She's a quick learner. Ready to show off?"  
  
"YIP YIP." The Chinese crested hopped around merrily, causing the hair on its head to flutter with the breeze. "YIP YIP." She loved to please her master.  
  
Yamcha smoothed back the dog's hair and held down its ears. "Do Roshi," he commanded. The bald-looking dog panted heavily, lolling its tongue from side to side.  
  
Ruffling his pooch's hair, he continued, "Yajirobe." The canine stuck a paw up its nostril and waddled about on three legs.  
  
Yamcha twisted the purebred's hair into a tall point. "Prince of All Saiyans." "Grrrrr," growled the little purebred and nipped at her owner's kneecap.  
  
"Wow! That was great!" Gohan petted the small dog. "How come she doesn't look happy? Did I pet too hard?"  
  
"She's being difficult. Good girl, good girl, yes you are," Yamcha gushed.  
  
But the little dog remained downcast and trembled.  
  
"Maybe she wants a hug."  
  
Yamcha knew exactly what his dog wanted. He was delaying the inevitable. He picked up his pooch and nuzzled it. "Good little girl. You're my smart little girl."  
  
Still the dog remained unhappy and whimpered into her master's neck.  
  
"Maybe she wants you to call her by name," suggested the astute teen.  
  
The older fighter dreaded this moment. He too had a similar experience with naming his dog. Early in its life, the little purebred witnessed a rare Puar hissy-fit. The floating feline had gone off on a tirade about a certain uncouth individual and frightened the pup. Unwittingly, Yamcha had sarcastically agreed with Puar to lighten the mood. However, he was soothing the pup at the time; and thereafter, she identified herself with those horrible words. In private, he could stomach the humiliation and sometimes found it amusing. But this was in front of Gohan and the whole world. Taking one look at his precious little doggy, he sighed. Oh, so soft was Yamcha's heart for his baby.  
  
The fighter began, "Good girl, you're my." he gulped and squeezed his eyes shut, ".Crazy Little Vegeta."  
  
"YIP YIP!"  
  
  
  
The End.  
  
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Thanks for the reviews!  
  
Psst! Do you want to hear something dirty? ! ! ! ! A white pony fell in the mud.  
  
Ahahaha.snort.ahahahnnn  
  
  
  
Do you want to hear something really dirty? ! ! ! TWO white ponies fell in the mud!  
  
Hahahahahnn.knee slappers, eh? No? *shrugs* Nobody appreciates g-rated humor. 


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